i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
