Can i not drive my cunt home
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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