I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
