ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
