Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
