You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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