..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Less talking, more tequila
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
