one two three fourrrrnication!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
