"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
