i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
