come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
