thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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