Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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