tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
