yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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