thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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