If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
