Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
