Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Randomize
