you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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