babies were throwing up all over the place
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
