Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
