My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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