do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
