My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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