I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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