It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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