I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
