How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
