it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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