The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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