I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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