:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
