Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
