I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
