those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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