Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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