I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
