if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
if only i could text you this smell
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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