i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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