Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
