there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize