The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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