I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
