So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
