Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
