are you still at the devil's house?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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