I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
