mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
