In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
