How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
