Having a random hookup so left but love u
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
