I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
