I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize