I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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