I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
