Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
