i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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