I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
so much tequila, so little girl.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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