I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
