I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
