yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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