Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
All the doctor said was why
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize