dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
