The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
