My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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