i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
