What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
