Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
how drunk are you?
Several
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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