No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
