I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
