Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
