do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
